Attending the‘Debunking Father Wounds’ Session: Insights and Takeaways

Are our adulthood patterns really our childhood traumas?

Let’s get into it.

Our interactions are the echoes of our childhood environment. Fathers are the primary masculine figures present in this environment and their influence shapes the identity we carry through life.

Was he around? Did he treat us like a child? How did he correct us? How did he love us? What did he do around us? What did he do to those around him? How was life with him?

I was privileged to attend an event hosted by Zoella at Blockchain center NBO. She took us through these questions which really triggered the little child in me and the audience as well. Masculine generally represents leadership,  guidance and protection.

Absence of it leaves a malformed identity and particularly during adolescence years when you start telling things apart.. Girl or boy, a certain time comes when all you want is to know what identity is associated with this man I call father.

However, father wounds are not exclusive to those with absent dads. We had a present dad accompanied by her daughter in the panel who gave the audience a look into their past. Are you familiar with the phrase “present fathers make the biggest feminists”.

In boys, it manifests as them modelling  the version of their father they grew up seeing.

Different coaches explained that unless the presence is coming from a place of intentionality, then it won’t withstand the storms of present fatherhood.

Question. Does this mean there is no redemption? Absolutely no. There is a way out. Healing our father wounds requires the difficult work of learning and unlearning. It involves setting boundaries,seeking professional support, and most importantly, extending grace to the version of us that is still healing.

We owe it to ourselves to address the “inner child” who still remembers what he saw or heard or felt. Understanding the origin of pain allows us to stop bleeding on those who didn’t cut us.

Adulthood should be a place where the cycle stops. By confronting father wounds, we don’t just find out who we are, but we also give ourselves the freedom to decide who we are going to be.